Here you are, about to start your great dating adventure. Yes – you’ve been dreaming about meetings someone special for a long time now, but the idea of actually getting out there and doing it is a bit daunting.
You spend time and energy on your career, your workouts and your finances, and now you’re ready for romance. You’ve tried the traditional ways to meet new people – blind dates, the Internet, the bar scene. But none of that has worked out… The next step is to go out there and meet new people! Okay easy for me to say…but how and where? You’re busy and don’t have a lot of time for trial and error.
The first and only rule I have is that you need to throw out all of your old ideas and rules about dating! Dating is not about playing games, using clever tactics or making sure you come out on top. There are no winners or losers in my opinion..
I’ve heard all kinds of strategies – like “hold out”, be mysterious and develop a game plan to trap your mate. I ‘don’t believe in that. Those games don’t work in the long run and they are exhausting! If you present a fake exterior and try to be someone you’re not, you deny yourself the opportunity to be liked for who you really area. And that’s what real love is all about, folks – just be yourself!
So to recap – don’t:
- Play games
- Play hard to get
- Pretend you’re not interested
- Wait three days to return his or her call
Just be real! For most people, the problem is rarely getting a date. The problem is actually connecting with someone interesting who you’re attracted to and who you can really have fun with. Therefore one thing that I tell all of my clients is that the key to successful dating is to focus on enjoyment and friendship. Date with the intention of making a new friend rather than expecting to meet your life partner. You’ll have more fun and way less “performance” anxiety.
Whether you believe in the whole principle of karma or not, the idea behind it makes sense. If you are constantly thinking you’re too fat, too skinny, too old, too poor, too stupid, or too anything to attract a love match, chances are you probably won’t. It’s true – what you put out is what you get back! If you believe that there are only jerks, gold diggers and messed up people out there, these are the people you will meet. If you think dating is a complete waste of time, then it will be. Negative thoughts produce negative results. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If this sounds like you, then make a promise to yourself to stop it RIGHT NOW! When you catch yourself having a negative thought, give yourself a little pep talk. Say “stop” and turn the thought around to something more positive. Give yourself a compliment about one of your strengths…you get the idea!
Ask yourself – would you date you? This is a very important point. Unless you are the type of person.
From Jacquie Brownridge
Director of It’s Just Lunch Vancouver
www.itsjustlunchvancouver.com
