Let’s face it; you think you need help. If you didn’t you’d be doing something else and not reading this right now. Good for you! Acknowledging the state you’re in is the first step in getting to where you want to go, which just so happens to be the second step. The third and final step is figuring out how to get from where you are to where you want to be. There, it’s that easy – Done!
OK, not so fast. A little more detail, you say? Sure. This simple formula applies to every life situation you would like to change. To apply this to dating, use this example:
Step 1: Where am I?
Answer: Single and looking for someone to have fun times with on a casual basis.
Step 2: Where do I want to be?
Answer: Attending the IMAX 3-D version of Avatar with the Hottie I met on New Year’s, then grabbing drinks in Yaletown and making breakfast for my new friend the next morning…
Step 3: How do I get there?
Answer: (and here’s where you can get creative) The big & quick answer: ASK! Yup. You know who you are interested in, and you know what you want, right? OK, so the ONLY way you will EVER experience that, is by making your desires known to the people you desire to have them with.
It is likely that by being honest and stating what you are looking for upfront may take you out of “the game”, but really, is “the game” working for you? If it were, would you be sitting here reading this right now? I think not.
Here’s where I introduce another 1, 2, 3, concept: Honesty. I know, I know, honesty is rather old fashioned and out of date, and highly suspect, but it works. The sooner you take your pretenses and masks and personas and ulterior motives and strategies and stories and fears and misconceptions and all that other bulls@*t and toss them, the sooner you will be on your way to effective dating experiences. Really.
I dare you to try it. Sure, you may find that you will get a lot of declined offers at first if you are honest from the beginning… “gee, I don’t really want to spend the night with you, even if we had a fabulous time and we got along like a house on fire because I have these “rules” I have to play by… blah, blah, blah…”, but so what? By being honest and getting a “No”, you have just eliminated someone who does not share your desires in the first place. Do you really want to spend your time with a person who does not share your desires? OK, now you’re beginning to follow my crazy, honesty bit… sound logical? It is. It works.
HONESTY IS THE KEY… bare all.
Ivana Siska is a therapist, speaker & consultant currently co-authoring a book developing a TV series about joyfully combining spiritual and material abundance. For the complete article and information about eBooks, speaking engagements and confidential consulting services, email Ivana at: knownow@mac.com
